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--- Colonel Crush ---
Colonel Crush

Colonel Crush

CIA Super Secret Operations Operative Agent
Professor Pow! Professor Pow!
Evil Emperor
Jennifer "Justice" Government Jennifer "Justice" Government
Benevolent Ass-Kicking Alien
Roxie Redcoat Roxie Redcoat
Secret Agent from Britain
Miss Espie O' Nage Miss Espie O' Nage
The New Partner
Lt. Laserface Lt. Laserface
Right-hand Ukranian
General John Fubar General John Fubar
Replacement CIA Director
General Motors General Motors
Deputy CIA Director
Fred Fred
CIA Director
Victor Victor
Accountant of Evil
The Garbage Man The Garbage Man
Hauler of Trash and Treasures
Terrorist 291 Terrorist 291
Model Number 291
Lemonade Boy Lemonade Boy
Local Entrepreneur
Tractor Repairman Tractor Repairman
A Guy with a Broken Tractor
Henchman Henchman
Evil Assistant
Blaster Blaster
Arms Expert
Youngling Youngling
Test Subject
Take a guess
Description Appearances Reviews Comments
Colonel Crush
A Colonel Crush Character Review
By Flageloon Z. Omblatz
2006-09-04 - Are you looking for a smart, sophisticated action hero who can outwit dangerous criminals? If so, look elsewhere. Colonel Crush is nothing of the sort. He's more barnyard animal than debonaire spy.

The first time I met Colonel Crush (yes, he's real), he was chewing on a stick, making it into a sharp spear. When he saw that the spear wasn't straight he shrugged and threw the weapon over his shoulder, impaling six terrorists in a single act. Oh, and a school teacher. But it turns out that the teacher was a devil worshiping child eater, so it was okay.

Those are Crush's strengths - stupidity and dumb luck. If he were smart enough to know better, he'd probably be mortal like you or me. As it is, Crush doesn't know his limits, and therefore doesn't have any.

Crush is my hero. A god among men. An imbecile among the goats and pigs.

Terrorism has no chance. And neither do child eaters.
- Flageloon Z. Omblatz

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