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Turbo the Cat - Webisode 2 Released!
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10 March, 2008 - To see Turbo the Cat - Webisode 2, make sure that you are running the latest version of Flash, available here:

Upgrading Flash will warm Turbo's heart.

- Jon Fairhurst
Turbo the Cat Arrives Safely!
Scappoose Stageboach Saved by Cat

06 March, 2008 - Turbo the Cat arrived safely at the Poorly Projected Pictures studio, and can now be seen on the Colonel Crush website.

Turbo's arrival had been delayed when the Scappoose Stagecoach horse team froze to death in a freak Alaskan wind burst. Turbo saved the day by pulling the stage singlehandedly to P3Pictures.

See part 1 of this two Webisode film from Skitzo Studios. Webisode Two will follow on Monday.

And don't forget to check out the new Colonel Crush Store. Turbo is hungry, and the catfood bills are killing us!

- Jon Fairhurst
Stagecoach from Scappoose Delayed
Turbo the Cat Held Hostage

05 March, 2008 - I was hoping to get Turbo the Cat up last night, but I'm still waiting for the mail to arrive from Skitzo Studios in Scappoose, OR. Hopefully, it will arrive today...

In the meantime, check out the new Colonel Crush store ( The new Colonel Crush coffee cup is a must-have item!

And if you want the original CC T-shirt in black, e-mail nathan -at- p3pictures dat com. Supplies are limited!

BTW, if Turbo doesn't arrive later today, I'll send out a posse!

- Jon Fairhurst
Colonel Crush Opens Brand New Store
New Stuff for Sale!!!

03 March, 2008 - Colonel Crush has launched a new store in partnership with CafePress. We have new stuff!!!

For instance, our T-shirts are now available in more colors. We also have women's Tees! (the classic black T-shirt is now a vintage item--no more will be printed! They remaining few will only be available for special events, if you want to know more email

We'll be adding a lot of new items over the next couple weeks--so you'll want to keep checking back. Brand new is the official Colonel Crush coffee mug. Start your morning WITH ACTION!!!

BTW, this week's movie will be a couple days late, but should be worth the wait. It's from Skitzo Studios and it's called "Turbo the Cat."

Crush on!!!

- Jon Fairhurst
Skitzo Studios & P3Pictures Form Studio Alliance
It Began at Midnight

25 February, 2008 - Skitzo Studios and Poorly Projected Pictures have formed a strategic alliance. The two upstart ventures now dwarf Warner Bros. and Disney combined (in an alternate universe.) Skitzo Studios is now providing content to P3Pictures' Colonel Crush site, starting with the horror film, It Began at Midnight.

Skitzo Studios is the largest movie studio in Scappoose, Oregon. Owner James J. Meritt said of the new alliance, "pass the peanuts."

In addition to actor Kiel Hoff, Skitzo Studios has an exclusive contract with famous black and white era actress Fay Way.

- Jon Fairhurst
YouTube Really, Really Angry With ColonelCrush
Parody Video Sparks Virtual Outrage

18 February, 2008 - According to imaginary sources, "YouTube", whoever that is, is really, really pissed at The maverick website, published by Poorly Projected Pictures, triggered the virtual reaction by releasing "I Heart YouTube" - a parody of the YouTube logo.

"That hurt my feelings", the mega-giant of video-sharing sites said in an alternate universe.

- Jon Fairhurst
Local News Station Purchased by Sugar Conglomerate
All CCTV News Stories to Feature Sodas and Snacks

11 February, 2008 - Local News Station CCTV has taken product placement to a new level. We're used to seeing Nissans promoted on TV shows like Heroes, and Reeces Pieces being hawked on movies like ET, but now product placement marketing has entered the newsroom.

All stories on CCTV will now include product placement. According to CCTV CEO Greedly Goldbag, "product placement in scripted shows is forced, but sweet, sugary, delicious products abound in the real world - and that's the world of news."

Goldbag assured us that this would not affect the body of the news content as he snacked on a delicious Baby Ruth candy bar, bathed in red light radiating from a vending machine filled to the brim with cold, refreshing bottles of Coca Cola.

"Movies and TV Shows are fake. News isn't. It's the real thing", Goldbag said.

- Jon Fairhurst
Lightsabers Discovered in Parking Lot morons!

05 February, 2008 - Police found one man dead and another drinking milk in a Bellingham, Washington apartment Monday, the Colonel Crush Observer has learned. The deceased, Jeff Himself, 21, was declared dead at the scene with massive laser burns to the chest. The milk drinker, Matt Himself, had a warm lightsaber in one hand and a pint of Grade A Vitamin D in the other.

The Himselfs are not related.

Matt Himself surrendered to police without resistance (which is futile), immediately after the lightsaber batteries ran out of charge.

Police are now looking for a third man, Chris Himself - again, not related - who is believed to have stolen Jeff Himself's car. It is possible that Mr. Himself has fled to Canada in search of better milk.

Police dispersed the scene of dozens of onlookers and two chagrined Jedi Knights just after 6:30 pm, PST.

- Jon Fairhurst
Bert Petersen swims to US Record
Only 5/100ths away from a World Record

26 January, 2008 - Oregon City, January 13th, 2008 - Bert Petersen swam to a US record in the Men's 70-74 50 meter Butterfly event. His time was only five one hundredths of a second from the world record.

Amazingly, Bert swims the event without taking a breath - except on the turn. This is literally equivalent to running the length of a football field without breathing, taking one breath in the end zone then turning around and doing it again.

Bert coaches the Grass Valley Masters Swim Team in Camas, Washington at Lacamas Swim and Sport.

Bert invites all swimmers, regardless of age and skill level to swim with the team. Bert customizes the workouts to the swimmer's ability.

Petersen will make his next attempt at the 50 meter fly world record on February 17th, 2008 in Bellevue, WA. The nine lane pool is deeper, wider and faster than the pool in Oregon City. Bert and the team are optimistic about his chances.

- Jon Fairhurst
The Shoes are from Hell
Shoevil re-released

21 January, 2008 - There you are, walking to your apartment, and a bum offers you free shoes.

This scenario is playing out again and again all across America - in front of apartments, suburban homes, libraries, grocery stores, churches and portals to other dimensions. No one is safe.

DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT accept these shoes. They are from Hell. Yes, Hell. Yes, that Hell. Once you put on the shoes, you cannot take them off. Ever.

This warning is especially important for people with athlete's foot. The itching will drive you freaking nuts.

If you do not yet live in constant fear of bums bearing shoes, please view our educational video, SHOEVIL...

- Jon Fairhurst